Many movies show problems with human boundaries and limits.  Boundaries define a person's sense of self (i.e., who he or she is as an individual). They delineate how much an individual has to give of something such as time, money, or energy. Boundaries also separate one person's needs, wants, desires, thoughts and feelings from others'. In human relationships limits are set to make the boundaries visible for those who do not see (or respect) boundaries. Limits are also used in relationships to make things safe both for the ones setting the limits and for others.

This booklet is for anyone who has difficulty maintaining healthy limits in relationships. This publication increases the reader's understanding of boundaries, limits, and the common, appropriate ways people set limits. Special attention is paid to the issue of the way individuals who tend to violate boundaries become entwined with those who do not know how to set limits.

The issue of relationships with blurred boundaries is also addressed. The importance of one's personal history and of substance abuse are discussed as they relate to problems with boundaries and setting limits.

Throughout this booklet are Critical Questions for the reader to answer. These include: How do you set limits? How do you react when someone sets a limit on you? Do you tend to give in, do things against your wishes or tolerate unacceptable conditions? What did your family teach you about boundaries? What difficulties do you have saying no or hearing no said to you? The person who has hurt you says, "I'm sorry," but what does the behavior say?

A strategy for protecting one's boundaries and setting limits on one's inappropriate impulses is given. Therapy, counseling, and support groups are strongly recommended and the reason for this help made clear to the reader.

Item SG1004 (32 pgs)

*Copyright 1996 Claremont Behavioral Studies Institute

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