Matters of
TRUST

By definition trust means the "firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing."* Most everyone knows what trust is, but many people don’t know how to practice trust. This says more than people with trust issues are very suspicious and mistrusting of others. Many people who are in trouble tend to be overly trusting. They maintain faith when there is evidence that the person or thing being trusted is suspect, even dangerous. Others, not knowing who to trust, make choices that are often impulsive and unwise.

People who don’t know how to trust are at a troubling disadvantage because to survive a person must make estimations all the time about people and things. No one lives in a bubble in which he or she has no one to count on but himself or herself. Neither can we always count on others. To live a reasonably secure life a person has to learn to look at history and behaviors when making decisions about the reliability of someone or something. Because nothing in life is ever guaranteed or 100% certain this means taking risks---reasonable risks.

Most people tend to know how to trust (which is not to say that they never make mistakes because sometimes they do---trust is a judgment call). When asked why they think, or don’t think, someone can be trusted, they often have to search for an answer. This is because sizing up a person or situation tends to be done automatically without much conscious reflection. They often have a "gut feeling" which they’ve learned to listen to. This feeling reflects a skill that was acquired growing up. People who know how to trust have this learned ability to reliably size up what is known to make a judgment.

People who don’t know how to trust lack this ability, but it can be learned. They first have to accept that they have a problem. Saying, for example, that people can’t be trusted is a generalization that puts blame on others. People with this problem certainly must practice care but also allow other people to demonstrate that they can be trusted.

Here are some movies that reveal important things about trust, including learning to trust.

The Films

THE PORTRAIT OF A LADY This movie recounts events that took place over a hundred years ago and concerns people whose lives are quite different from our own. That's the most obvious thing we see as we begin to watch this film. As the film progresses, we realize that there is something occurring that is not that unfamiliar: The manner in which a bright and apparently independent person is seduced and finally controlled by another. Because of what we have overheard we know what is happening to Isabel, how she was set up by an acquaintance to become involved with Osmond, a man who wants to possess and maintain her as if she is just another of his exquisite objects. Osmond plays on her feelings and with her mind. In the past she has rejected other suitors but, like many women who have been in similar circumstances, falls for him and marries him. Over time she seems to lose her spirit, not realizing at first what is "drying up my soul," to quote another woman dominated by Osmond. As Isabel witnesses the way in which Osmond insensitively and selfishly controls his teenage daughter from an earlier relationship, she begin to see her husband for who he is and how he cares little for those he supposedly loves. Isabel’s efforts to do something for herself are met by her husband's mental abuse and threats. For some, The Portrait Of A Lady can be a hard film to get into and at moments is troubling to view. Still, for anyone who, like Isabel, trusted someone she assumed she knew, this movie offers insights into how a person can be deceived and caught in a tangle she does not understand nor from which she can easily extricate herself. 1996. (This can be a difficult movie to be viewed alone but is certainly not to be viewed with a person who is controlling and abusive.)
PolyGram Video
Rated R by M.P.A.A.

HELPMATES Sometimes we trust people who, from past experiences, we have learned are not reliable and can undermine our efforts when called in to help us out. Why do we continue to call upon them? Why do they do what they do? The answers can be complex but it can be said for both questions that people set themselves up all the time because they don’t always take responsibility for their bad judgment or their own actions. That’s way they stay stuck in these relationships. Helpmates is one of the best works that Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy ever made. It’s a short film, approximately 20 minutes long, but in that time we see the most revealing display of the imbalance that exists in the power struggle between an overtly aggressive person and someone who is passive aggressive: Hardy, demanding that Laurel help him clean up a mess, is done in by Stan’s effortless and seemingly unintentional retaliations. Helpmates is a rather bleak comedy with an ending in which it seems that even the world turns against the ever stoic Oliver Hardy. But to watch this film, one can learn a lot about dysfunctional relationships, the ways (subtle and overt) in which hostility can be expressed, and, most important, the way people blame others for their misery without looking at themselves and the way they have set themselves up.
Laurel and Hardy Comedy Classics, Vol. 5, Nostalgia Merchant
Not rated by M.P.A.A.

See Also:

Little Voice
Sling Blade
The Wings Of The Dove
To Kill A Mockingbird

Please note: Movies are being added to this page.  Check back soon.

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