Falling In
Love
An old Rodger and Hart song goes, "falling in love with love is
falling for make believe." Some take these lyrics as expressing the view that love
causes us to make unwise choices and to pretend that things are different, better, than
they really are. While love can have these influences, the truth is that our lives would
feel pretty empty if there was no love. Many people who have no love and are not loved,
are often depressed and feel insignificant.
Love is important and, in itself, is not a problem. The problem is what people sometimes
do in the name of love. Some will make choices in a passionate state without realizing
that in time the feeling will dampen and they will have to live with what are currently
minimized, unpleasant consequences of those choices. Some are so starved for love and feel
so unloved, that they will put up with the loved one’s intolerable behavior to avoid
losing what they believe is love. Some confuse lust with love, a state of mind that tends
to be fickle and stokes intense desire. There are also people who are addicted to this
feeling of falling in love and it’s love itself that they fall in love
with: the feeling, the state of mind. Throughout their lives they will feel intense
passion for someone new after the feeling for a previous one has cooled (often kindled by
some negative realities about that first "love").
More common, people often do not realize that a relationship, even with someone we love
very dearly and with whom are shared many commonalities, is a complex thing. One must not
only take the good with the bad but must make an honest appraisal of what it will really
be like living with that person.
There are many, many movies about love. Most are not very realistic and only feed our
desires for happy endings. Here is a selection of the films that deal more honestly with
the subject and, in one way or another, explore various aspects of love that don’t
always lead to the happy endings many of us would rather see.
The Films
MURPHY'S ROMANCE Emma is a
divorced woman who, as she’s attempting to start her life over, must deal with her
ex-husband, Bobby Jack, who suddenly comes back into her life. He is irresponsible and, in
the past, has caused her a lot of pain, but Emma’s feelings for Bobby Jack are not
completely dead. At the same time another man, Murphy, has begun to take an interest in
her. Bobby Jack and Murphy are different in many ways. In spending time with these men,
observing how they are with her, her son and with each other, Emma sees important things
that helps her to decide what she must do. This film in deals honestly with the
difficulties of breaking away from an unhealthy relationship and taking the risk of
starting a better one.
Columbia TriStar Home Video
Rated PG-13 by M.P.A.A.
©
Miramax. All Rights Reserved.
THE ENGLISH PATIENT Sometimes very romantic
relationships are also incredibly dysfunctional. Often this is not realized until the
intensity of the passion begins to cool or the negative aspects of the relationship become
too overwhelming to one or both of the pair. In the cinema we usually do not see the
negative consequences of these affairs because the movies end with the couples at a high
point. We don’t see the couples two, three, five years down the road after their
passion has faded and the not so pleasant realities have greater impact. The English
Patient presents an interesting twist on these highly romantic films. One relationship
ends with a death and the other falls apart because of the strain of war. Both end before
we can see how things would sort themselves out if the relationships followed their
natural courses. At the same time there are many clues, especially with Laszlo and
Katharine, that give us a sense of how their affair would have developed. After watching
the movie, imagine how these two couples would have fared if events turned out
differently. What would they be like if they grew older together?
Buena Vista Home Video.
Rated R by M.P.A.A.
GEORGY GIRL This movie from the sixties is about two people who desperately
want love but are drawn to the wrong people, people who only disappoint them and leave
them feeling as empty as they were before. Georgina is an overweight, frumpy young woman
who cannot find love. James is a middle aged man married to a woman who uses him and
displays no affection. James, who has been like an uncle to Georgina, is attracted to her
but she is just as disinterested in him as his wife. Like his wife, Georgina only shows
attention when she wants something. Like so many people, James and Georgina do not
appreciate their lovableness and eventually settle for little in relationships. This film
has a great deal to tell about love and its various substitutes.
RCA Columbia Pictures Home Video
Not Rated.
MICKI AND MAUDE Sometimes it happens that a person can find himself (or herself) in love
with two people at the same time. This can be a troubling reality if the person will not
accept that he has to make a choice because few will accept being the "other"
love object. This problem often occurs with a person who has been married for a while and,
although there is nothing terribly wrong with the marriage, finds that he or she is
attracted to another person. This is what happens with Rob the hero of this movie. Like
most people in this situation, he is not a bad person. He just doesn’t handle
difficult realities very well, and he make the matter worse by becoming a bigamist. Micki
and Maude is a comedy but one based on serious issues including not only love but trust
and honesty.
RCA Columbia Pictures Home Video
Rated PG-13 by MPAA.
AGE OF INNOCENCE Sometimes
it happens that the circumstances surrounding two people are such that it is all but
impossible for them to have what could otherwise be a reasonably healthy relationship. We
see this today with couples whose partners come from different social, religious, economic
or ethnic groups. We also see it in couples whose families or communities oppose the
relationship for reasons that have more to do with control than anything else. There are
expectations imposed on the two, sometimes in very unpleasant ways. There is also pressure
for one of the two to commit to another who they really do not love. This is not a new
phenomena. As this film shows, this was an issue generations ago and the movie explores
how peers, family, and community can put such pressure on a couple that they must give in
and do what is expected of them, not what they desire, however reasonable that might be.
Sometimes these realities are troubling and very unfair but extremely difficult to
overcome given the consequences. What are two people to do? They can make wise or
unhealthy choices in these situations, and sometimes, given the realities, accept that
whatever they do, someone will not be happy.
Columbia TriStar Home Video.
Rated PG by M.P.A.A.
See Also:
Casablanca
Il Postino
Next Stop Wonderland
The Wings Of The Dove
Please note: More movies are being added to
this page. Check back soon.
| The booklet How To Be A Loving Caring Person Without Being A Co-Dependent can be an aid for those who struggle with co-dependency or have
been accused of being co-dependent. You might also find the booklet helpful to read before
seeing these films. For only $2.50 plus shipping and handling you can have this booklet
mailed to you within two days! Check out this booklet
NOW! |
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