| SECRETS There are different types of secrets, some that promote pleasurable anticipation and others that create uneasiness and tension. It is this second kind of secret that we are concerned with here. These involve things that the holder of the secret dreads others learning about because they deal with real or perceived unpleasant or disturbing matters. These are secrets whose very existence is often even a secret. Such secrets are unhealthy, burdensome, and a product of shame or guilt. There are all types of "bad" secrets. Some are actually not bad at all, only an embarrassment to the person because of what he believes others will think about him if they knew his secret. Many people who have had to see a mental health professional often treat the episode as if it would be a terrible scandal if others knew. Some secrets involve events from a person’s past that, if made public, could cause difficulty, such as a felony conviction for a crime committed years ago or being fired from a job. Other secrets concern upsetting events that have happened to a person such as being raped. Still other negative secrets concern dishonesty; someone lying about something they did (or didn’t do). When a child molester tells his victim that what they are doing is "our little secret," the perpetrator introduces the child to the ugly use of the word. To a child a secret is normally something special like what one is getting for Christmas or a birthday. Most children believe it is wrong to break a secret by telling others. The "little secret" becomes a ugly psychological weight that is made worse because there is no one the child can talk to without breaking the secret pact with the molester (often a loved one) or admitting one’s shame and perceived badness. Alone, with one’s own thoughts and having no one to help sort things out, the child typically grows up with a distorted self-image, seeing themselves as being bad and different from others. There is also a difference between privacy and these unhealthy secrets. These humiliating secrets are created out of shame, guilt, or an awareness that something "bad" or" wrong" exists or has occurred. Things that we keep private are not usually "bad" things or things to be ashamed of. They’re just things which are not other people’s business. For example, we all know that married couples normally have a sexual relationship, but the particulars of that relationship are private. It’s the same reason there are usually locks on bathroom doors, not because what people do in the bathroom is anything to be ashamed of but because people want privacy when they are indisposed. There are some films that deal honestly with both secrets and with how secrets affect a person’s life. The Films SECRETS AND LIES Secrets are not only a
burden to the holder but can have a profound impact on
others by causing misunderstandings, tension, hurt, and
unhappiness. This impact can be on those who have no idea
that the secret exists. Secrets and Lies is a
movie about a family whose misery has been created and
perpetuated by things that are never discussed or
acknowledged. These are not really terrible things but
things which are difficult and painful to discuss. In the
beginning, we see the legacy of the years living with
these secrets. There is much pain and seething anger. We
can sense that there is also a great deal of love among
these people, but love that is frustrated by the walls
that they have been put up. "We’re in pain. Why
can’t we share our pain?" one of the family
members pleads as the walls begin to come down, and he
and the others finally speak about what has never been
talked about. This is not easy for them, but as they
acknowledge the truth and its various implications, they
become free of the secrets’ power over their lives.
This is a very honest film concerning some pretty
ordinary people who want to function as a family and are
finally able to come together.
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Therapeutic Cinema
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