| FAMILY LIFE Back in the fifties family life was idealized in t.v. programs like Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver, and Ozzie and Harriet. Today families are often scorned with many taking the position that all families are dysfunctional breeding grounds for resentments, hurt, and future problems for the children when they become adults. I’m hardly an idealist, but I have to disagree with this current trend. In its own way this second view is as simplistic as the older one. Further, the present idea trivializes the term dysfunctional family which I use to identify families that really do not function in a healthy manner. These families have destructive patterns that fail to provide a climate where children can grow into balanced, functioning adults and the parents themselves do not give mutual support and respectful responsiveness. In dysfunctional families there is excessive pain. In my judgement most families are functional. That is not to say that they are perfect. None are. But the flaws in a functional family are within reasonable limits. Parents make mistakes and a husband and wife go through periods of strain. But these mistakes do not shatter a child’s self esteem or ability to experience intimacy. When there are strains between the parents, they do not act out by destructively inflicting wounds on one another. Oh, yes. There is also genuine love and commitment. There are many films that deal with family life. Most explore unhealthy families because functional families just don’t seem to be as interesting. But there are a few films that give some powerful examples of reasonably healthy families dealing with some challenging realities. Here are some of each. The Films RADIO DAYS Reasonably functional families can be nutty, and I can’t think of a better movie that shows that than Radio Days. Here is a Woody Allen movie (yes, a Woody Allen movie!) that reveals a lot about love, commitment, and how the kookiness with which one grows up can be a source of strength and affectionate recollections. We can also see that this family is anything but perfect. No family is. The father is ashamed of his job and doesn’t tell his son what he does. The mother and father get in arguments about trivial things (such as which is the greatest ocean, the Atlantic or Pacific). An uncle who lives in the house rebels against the family’s religious traditions (and gets no sympathy when he suffers a natural consequence for his behavior). Despite these and other things the strength and goodness in this family are evident. (Another thing this movie shows is how experiences from our past can take on elements of myths as the stories become more incredible and humorous in the retelling as we grow older.) 1987 HBO Video Rated PG by M.P.A.A. SOUL FOOD What holds a family together after the children have grown up? What causes one to fall apart? The answers vary but it is inevitable that it will be harder to keep a family together than to break one apart. Soul Food not only demonstrates this but affirms the value of a strong family, even when there exits tensions between some of its members reflecting conflicts that seem to go back forever over things that are no longer important. In many American families, regardless of ethnic origin, one person seems to champion the family traditions, keeping them alive for the next generation and beyond. That person is often a grand parent around whom the other adult family members center their relationships. When that person dies, a void is left and with that void the risk of the family splintering. What one of the grand kids does in Soul Food to save the family may seem a little hokie and Hollywoodish, but the ending is nonetheless satisfying and honest. 20th Century Fox Home Video Rated R by M.P.A.A. POLTERGEIST Anyone who has seen this 1982 movie probably remembers it as a horror film about a house that is possessed by an angry spirit who abducts a little girl. What makes this film different from other horror movies is that this terror occurs in an ordinary house in which lives an average family that is not unlike a typical family on most blocks or maybe even like your own family. Poltergeist can be viewed as a film that is about how good parents respond to a serious threat to their children and their family. The threat could just as well have been a dangerous illness that struck one of the kids (and threatens the others), a natural disaster like a hurricane that lashes the house, or an intruder who breaks in. How the confused and scared parents deal with the abduction and the threat to their family demonstrates a great deal about responsive parenting, especially when the parents are challenged by something that they don’t understand. MGM/UA Home Video Rated PG by M.P.A.A. CROOKLYN: It isn't easy growing up with a bunch of rowdy brothers and sisters. When money is tight and tensions exist in the house (and the neighborhood) and the parents are stretched to the limit, a kid can react in a number of different ways. In the Carmichael family we see these realities played out, especially by following Troy, a nine year old and the only girl in this African-American family. While she is often pushed around by her older brothers, we soon realize that Troy has learned how to hold her own and take care of herself while not being a whiner. We also see that her parents are very committed to the children, and even though they can get frustrated and angry at some of the children's behavior and the inappropriate things that their kids do, they stand by their children and care what happens to them. The strength of the family and the love that exists between these often warring children is demonstrated when the Carmichaels face the most difficult experience that children can endure. Crooklyn presents an unidealized picture of family life while affirming many of the qualities that make families work. MCA Universal Home Video Rated PG-13 by M.P.A.A. STUART SAVES HIS FAMILY There is an interesting thing about this film; most of those I’ve asked to see it, who come from truly dysfunctional families, think its great. Many people who came from healthier families find it to be dumb and even irritating. That’s because Stuart Smalley is such an annoying character, as are some people who come from a troubled family of original. People from dysfunctional families who are in treatment get the humor. They can understand Mr. Smalley. He is incredibly insecure, easily upset, a whiner, and fragile (it doesn’t take much to send him into despair). When his family makes its appearance, the viewer has no trouble figuring out how Stuart fits in. As is the pattern in dysfunctional families, each member has a role which, in Stuart’s case, is to be the disappointing, problem child who tries to make things better for everyone around him (even if they don’t want things better). This is an identity and a way of being from which Stuart has tried to break, but it is also so easy for him to fall right back into the pattern. In the course of the movie, Stuart’s family grinds along in its hurtful, self-defeating way. There are some opportunities for positive change, courageous moves by some of the Smalleys, and denial and invalidation by others. By the end of the movie something has been lost and something has been gained by Stuart. The result, although bittersweet, is more positive than negative, an important achievement that allows for a measure of healing. Paramount Rated PG-13 by M.P.A.A. SEE ALSO: The Best Years Of Our Lives East Of Eden Georgia To Kill A Mockingbird
|
  |
|
Therapeutic Cinema
Home Page Personal Resources |
||